Respira...

Este cazul sa te mai gandesti o data.

 Sunt momente rare, de pus in rama.

Viata nu are maini, dar iti da cate o palma.

Chiar daca tu ignori tot ce te inconjoara

Asta nu inseamna ca o sa dispara.

  Nelinistea a disparut..cred. M-am linistit putin. Durerea este inca acolo..Dar nu am mai suportat-o. Am vrut s-o alung. Nu am stiut cum..Nici acum nu stiu.

 Seara pusese stapanire pe sat. Linistea era intrerupta de greieri..Am luat-o usor spre usa de la intrare. Am intrat..Simteam atmosfera rece, stiam ca in seara aia va ploua. O durere ciudata imi sfasie pentru cateva secunde respiratia. Am ajuns in casa, m-am uitat la un film. Dupa, respiratia imi era si mai inecata. Un fel de hiper-ventilatie fara motiv. Un protest activ format de corpul meu..Am iesit pe hol si m-am trantit jos pe gresie. Asteptam sa imi revin..Dar nu eram protejata de nimic. Toti ma atacau. Nu ma suparam fiindca nu puteam. Nu atunci..Durerea din capul pieptului, durerea sfasietoare..Plangeam cu sughituri tacute. Nu vroiam sa ma auda nimeni..Lacrimile se imprastiau pe toata fata..Ma durea..fizic cat si psihic..INCETEAZA! ..

  Am inchis ochii...Inchide-i si tu. Incearca sa iti auzi bataile inimii..Pune mana in zona inimii..Te doare si pe tine?..

  Stiu ca nu am mai putut rezista si am refulat TOT. Am alergat la baie si am ramas ceva vreme acolo..Plangeam si incercam sa ma spal pe fatza..A fost cineva care s-a apropiat de mine. Era mama..cand eram mica ii spuneam sa nu mai vina dupa mine in baie cand am probleme, nu vroiam sa o dezgust cu durerea* aceea refulata. De data asta m-a ascultat..m-a privit si a plecat incet...

    

   Sti ce as vrea?

  O imbratisare..!

Oamenii sunt prea lasi si prea aroganti ca sa mai faca ceva, renunta. Nu renunta tu. Nu esti ca ei...

 

Sometimes you have to be your own hero.

Blow me one last kiss..

 Stop it..I know it is wrong..but this is what I feel..

 But..if destiny is able to do this..I can too because..

TIME decides who you meet in your life.

Your HEART decides who you want in your life.

But BEHAVIOR decides who will stay in your life.

Relationships are harder now because

CONVERSATIONS become texting,

ARGUMENTS become phone calls

and

FEELINGS become Status Updates

Yeah, that's me.

Say something now!

Ignorance ..

 I wasn't like this. I talked to you ..And

 But, my friend..

.

.

The truth

Well..that's funny.

But..I had a relation so ..

Summer.

Really cool.

When I tasted this juice with ice

I was

"Oh GOD, you love me.."

But now..that juice was taken from that place.

I hate people.

Don't ya?

Hmm..maybe it was the right decision.Who knows?

I  ran away from you. Maybe it was the right dicision. Who knows?

But now it's so hard to reach your hand..

Why?..

Now, you think it's your time to run away ? 

Okay.

Oh, really?

Aha...That's it.

Mom: What's wrong?
My mind: I used to do so well when I was there but I'm not anymore.
My mind: The people I call friends, aren't my actual friends.
My mind: I'm constantly feeling alone.
My mind: I'm starting to look at myself different.
My mind: Nothing feels the same anymore.
My mind: I feel like I'm going to fail at anything I try to do.
My mind: I haven't been eating that much and I'm hungry all the time.
My mind: I feel like no one cares about me.
My mind: I just wanna sleep all day and never wake up.
Me: Oh nothing I'm fine.

You can't understand. It's so complicated. For you is just one direction. 

 

Best parts.

Veritas.

Inca o zi

Cosmar sau vis.?

M-am trezit transpirata si respirand incredibil de repede. Ma durea in capul pieptului. Ce sa fi fost?..

 *Inainte*

Razi. Uita-te afara. Inca e intuneric, dar misuna persoane stranii pe strada. Uita-te la ei. Ai dreptul. Nu mai ai somn? Mergi in liniste pe acoperis. Mergi incet sa nu cazi. Uita-te la stele. Nu sunt superbe? Si luna....Incredibil de mare si puternica. Ai putere. Crezi ca e un vis? Sau cosmar? Nu e nimic. E ceea ce faci tu. Gandeste-te mai bine. Eu am zis ca o sa ma prefac ca nu stiu. Acum e randul tau sa iti aduci aminte, daca poti. Nu poti ,nu-i asa? Te-ai grabit sa ajungi pe acoperis, si ai cazut. Stiai ? Cei care stateau la colt vorbeau despre asta. Sau mint? Ai incredere in mine? Asculti ce iti zic?

Trezeste-te daca crezi ca nu e adevarat! Poate nu e nimic imaginar, e doar realitatea. Cauta sprijin!  Pregateste-te pentru ce e mai rau. Un firicel subtire de sange iti curgea pe fata. Iti era frica, dar nu puteai tipa. Stiai asta? Betonul rece era sub picioarele tale. Ai cazut? Poti fugi. Si sa plangi daca te doare. Dar nu cred. Eu dictez aici. Poate nici nu ai cazut. Inca esti pe acoperis, gandindu-te la tine si la viata ta. Dar de ce ai zgarieturi pe tot corpul? Era asa de cald incat ai ramas intr-o bustiera si in chiloti. E ok.

Poate delirezi.Poate te-ai lovit la cap cand incercai sa patrunzi pe acoperis prin geam. Si atat.

Inchide ochii. Acum!

 *Dupa*

Revino-ti! Te-ai trezit. Esti bine. Dar nu stiu ce ai patit acolo. Plangeai? Alergai? Strigai dupa cineva? Si nu te-a auzit?..Imi pare rau pentru tine. Nu as fi putut sa te opresc daca nu aveam puterea asta. Nu e nevoie sa imi multumesti. Sunt eu. Eu stiu ce s-a intamplat. Dar mai bine uita. Iti era frica. O sa ma prefac ca nu stiu. Incepe o noua zi si uita de lucrurile de care ti-au fost frica. Indiferent de ce ai gandit, in strafundurile mintii tale s-a intamplat ceva. Ridica-te din pat, indiferent daca te simti grea si palida, pregatita parca sa cazi jos. Da la o parte tot in calea ta. Deschide geamul. Acum poti sa cazi. Aerul te va ajuta.

" Ce s-a intamplat?..."

Nimic. Poate a fost un cosmar...un vis imposibil...sau .....

Incredibil.

Am crescut..

  Incredibil, am crescut..

Ma uit in oglinda si nu ma mai recunosc. M-am schimbat asa de mult. Cand eram mica nu aveam nici o grija. Ma jucam si nimeni nu imi lua fericirea asta. Am crescut si plang din cauza problemelor si din cauza inimii mele tampite care nu inceteaza sa ma intepe.

Am crescut! Pot sa o mai zic o data. Si inca nu as crede ca e adevarat.

Inainte ma ajuta si frizura, ce pot sa zic. :))

Acum ma uit la mine si raman in reculegere. Sunt eu fata aceea?..

Desigur. Am crescut si timpul a trecut pe langa mine. Am fost atat de ingrijorata de ceea ce mi se intampla incat nu am putut sa vad ceea ce unele persoane vedeau mereu. Am ascultat mereu comentarii, gen : "Ai crescut.." Si nu vroiam sa ii ascult. Ma gandeam la unele persoane si la probleme ciudate. Nu aveam timp de asa ceva.

Eram aproape baiat. Imperceptibil. Dar acum ma sperii..Unele persoane au plecat si credeam ca s-au speriat si ei :)). Dar de fapt nu pot sa..nu stiu. Ma lasa la urma, sa mai cresc :))).

Inainte 

Acum

  Toti copii sunt atat de firavi si prostuti.Cred orice, crazand ca e adevarat. Asta e magia de a fi copil.

Acum sunt o adolescenta. Atentie la mine!


Dar..cu toate ca am alt corp, am aceiasi gandire, sunt tot eu. Toate vin la momentul potrivit...Ce e cert : m-am maturizat xD. Si cu toate ca am semne de intrebare, cineva pana la urma ma va ajuta sa le gasesc raspuns. Sau mai bine! Voi gasi singura.

Si daca acum ma vad schimbata, peste ani ce voi mai zice? Voi ramane uimita . Dar sunt pregatita pentru orice va veni!

Everything or Nothing !

You.

That word " love"

You promise again!

So..

Promise me something else..

If you still love me.

 

.

.

They gave me so much.

Short story.

When I was in the dark

They saved me for so many times.

And, when I am sad

I stop being sad, and be awesome instead.

Thanks - a lot.

But without the darkness

I would not have found the light

I love to see the stars

I want see them with you.

But it doesn't bother me

Because I know I can't.

.

.

 However, my friends are next to me.

No matter if physically or mentally

They are with me.

Friends.

Our mirrors.

Again, I am speaking to my friends.

Yestarday, Madalina spoke with me :|

I was shocked.

She's a really bitch and she thinks 

That it was Marius's fault.

It wasn't.

And she thinks I can be her idiot.AGAIN.

She can teach me things*

I don't want to.

She said that we(me and her) split up because you were with me.

But she never cared about me. 

Whatever, I don't care .

She can stays with her EGO and her boys.

Because..

SHE'S A BITCH.

:| 

Now..I love my friends.

Enemies? No.

Because I don't want to do it again with her. 

I don't care. * She's a really pitzi*

She tried to tell me that she's a real friend

And if I want her back, she wants me back.

:|

How comes?

N-E-V-E-R.

R.I.P to the girl you used to see.

Also, I can't define my friends. Because they are ..like me and I'm like them.

And ..I love it. 

 

One person for me.

ONE!

I'm not that kind of girl.

If it wasn't ok with a relation.

Get another one.

No..I don't listen you!

I'm not a bitch and I don't care if I have to stay here

To realise that he doesn't want me back.

I love him, just him.

Mistakes

Where have you been?

Well..nothing interesting.

But I discovered that you're not perfect.

I am not too.

But what the fuck?

Everything was made by us.

So..

It's Ok.

Remember..

Hmm..I remember something.

Not so important.

I was crying because nobody saw me.

I told to my parents that I need something to be Ok.

Then my mother said 

"You can play the piano"..

I was glad to hear that.

Something to put me in light.

My mom loved and loves piano, guitar ,violin..

 In fact all instruments.

.

.

.

But I don't remember 

I stopped to do it..

And now, my cousin has a piano

And I'm so happy to see him  how he do it.

He makes it so beautiful

But..

When I tried to do it..

I failed.

Because when I had had the chance

I didn't do anything..

But I don't even remember why.

And when I fell in love

I failed too.

It was the same problem to me.

Because I didn't do it with heart

I did it with mind, and still wrong..

Half of me has healed

Because I did some things with my heart. 

Like the piano...

This is the "way"

Where?

I don't know. I just ...No, I don't. I am here, or not? I will say everything, or I will stay and do nothing.

I will keep the real me. 

Smile like me.!

Life is like a game.

Play hard or don't play at all.

I'm laughing.

Because I'm still here and I do what I love to do.

I can't take this risk again.

It's just too...too complicated.Trust me. I know what can I do.

This is the way I dreamed for so long and I can say I am Ok.

Time is a knight and he tried for so long to take us.

Be strong.Be you. I will always imagine you there.

Thanks for all you did.

.

.

.

I will be glad to see you and hear you again.

I did, I do, and I will too. 

Do you remember me?

Can you remember my smile? 

Of course nothing changes.I'm still the same.

I will do everything and I promise ...

I will always love you.

He wants me to be ok.

I want him to be ok.

And ..

We are ok.

 This is the way we have chosen to go.

Like all of us, sometimes they come,sometimes they go.

But I will be always here.